Speaking The Truth
by fireball13
Summary: A short alternative version of the Deeks/Talia conversation in the boatshed. Taking place during 5x24
1. Chapter 1

**A/T: Please don't hate me. I just had this idea stuck in my head and had to release it.**

**I don't own the character!**

**Enjoy!**

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When Deeks woke up that morning he surely didn't expect the day to take this curious turn. Kensi and Talia sitting in the same room? Fate was playing some weird games on him that he clearly didn't appreciate.

Should he tell Kensi the truth?

No! That would not only break her heart but it would also mean the end of their already dysfunctional relationship. Wait, not relationship. Partnership. After all, he was the one who chose to end it before it even started.

From the moment Talia made her appearance at the crime scene, he feared the words that would slip her mouth. That woman was too honest and too damn unpredictable.

But most of all, he feared Kensi's reaction. He felt extremely lucky he got away with only a few shoulder punches after their first encounter. But if Kensi knew the whole truth, he would probably be in a hospital right now.

Thankfully, apart from that offensive Barbie comment – he was almost certain Kensi was restraining herself from hitting Talia at that point – Talia surprisingly managed to keep her mouth shut. But then, she just had to go on and mention how he carried her to the bathroom back then.

Why did she even do that? Why did she torture him like that? She knew all about the Kensi situation and the complications they were facing. She knew how much he loved her, so why torment him?

Finally, Kensi walked into the bullpen bathroom but before he had the chance to address to Talia he received another punch on the shoulder and he growled in pain.

"That's for not telling me how beautiful she is," she whispered in frustration "it all makes sense now. I get it. Your partner is smoking hot and you are very clearly madly in love with her."

"Will you keep your voice down," Deeks tried to silence her but in vain.

"No wonder why you liked me. I am a brunette like her, tough, bossy…Please don't tell me you were thinking of her when you were having sex with me."

"Will you stop it!" Deeks walked towards the bathroom to make sure Kensi wasn't coming out.

"That night was a mistake, ok? I was depressed, we both had a little too much to drink, you were a bit too available and….it should have never happened. "

"Wasn't I….memorable?" Talia approached him and trailed her finger from his lips down to his chest, her mouth only a breath away from his.

Deeks swallowed hard and moved away from her reach before her lips captured his. "That's enough," he growled "If Kensi finds out, it will devastate her and I will lose all the trust that I worked so hard to gain."

"You are a hypocrite, you know that?" Talia accused him raising her voice "If you really cared about her you wouldn't have ended in bed with the first woman that threw herself to you. Fine, perhaps I was a bit too available, but you not were not that far behind and surely not that drunk."

Deeks grabbed her arm and whispered in anger "You want to tell her? Fine, go ahead and tell her. Is that what you want to do? Spread misery because you chose not to be happy?"

Talia looked at him straight into those deep blue eyes "I don't spread misery. I spread honesty. I am not fighting for you, you arrogant narcissistic asshole. I am fighting to make Kensi open her eyes and see right through you! First chance you got, you betrayed her. You don't deserve her and you will only break her heart. You know you will."

"I am not you!" he released her from his grip "Just because you chose your job over the man you loved, it doesn't mean that I will do the same thing."

"Then, now that she is back, are you two finally…together together?" she smirked wickedly .

Deeks remained silent. Was Talia right after all? No! He didn't choose work over love. He chose safety. The only reason he was willing to let Kensi go, was because he didn't want to risk another reassignment. Hetty made it perfectly clear that she didn't approve their relationship. Perhaps she routed for them at first, but after seeing how they let their personal feelings interfere with their jobs she acknowledged her mistake.

No! Kensi was not a mistake. She was the best choice he had ever made in his entire life. She was the reason he woke up every morning and his last thought every night. She was the light in his life. She challenged him every time he wanted to give up and made him want to be a better man. He wanted to be her man!

When you want something, you find a way; not excuses. He was done with excuses. During all this time he let his fears consume him and cloud his judgment. But now, everything was clear. Yes, Talia was right about one thing. He was madly in love with that woman and he was not ready to lose her.

"I've made some terrible mistakes during these past few months and I am ready to pay for them," Deeks sat on the edge of the table "If you want to tell her the truth, you are free to do so."

Talia looked at him surprised by his utter serenity. "Are you pulling a poker face on me?" she tried to read his mind.

"No," he shook his head "I am being perfectly honest with you. If you don't tell her, I will. I am done lying to her. I am done making excuses. I honestly don't know why I gave in and spent that night with you. But I know it was a huge mistake, and deep down you know it too. Yes, I love her, I really do, and I will do everything within my power to win back her love."

"I think you already have her love so, don't screw it up detective." Talia smirked and punched him once again on the shoulder.

"She doesn't need to know," she continued "but don't ever make the same mistake again. She doesn't deserve that."

"I won't," Deeks sighed .

"Why don't you tell me why you guys burned down Michael Wilson's house?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/T: This story was originally supposed to be one-shot, but since you asked for more...here it is! **

**Remember, it is only fanfiction so don't hate me much. **

**Thank you all for following reading and reviewing. Your support is the greatest fix!**

**Enjoy the last part of the story!**

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Kensi leaned forward and placed her hand on the bathroom door to support herself. She heard everything. Every single bit of the conversation between Deeks and Talia.

How could she not have seen this coming? During these four years of their partnership, Deeks always bragged about his active love life. Was she so delusional that she actually believed that everything had changed since that night they spent together? That HE had changed?

Did he and Talia sleep together during her mission in Afghanistan, or after he ended things up with her? Either way, she felt betrayed, hurt and disappointed. She trusted her heart to this man and all he did was break it like he broke every single promise he ever made to her.

She was desperately trying to hold back her tears but her battle for resolve was quickly lost. All she wanted to do was smash the bathroom mirror, punch the door, break anything within her sight. More than anything though, she wanted to hurt Deeks. She wanted him to feel the pain that was slowly breaking her into pieces.

Even if according to Deeks that night with Talia meant nothing, to Kensi it meant everything. Not only did he betray her, but he was more than willing to lie to her about it. His loyalty and honesty were now compromised.

She was on a classified mission across the world, but she found a way to contact him. She faced her ex fiancée, but she knew her heart belonged to Deeks. She experienced torture, but his vision soothed her pain. That man defined her existence, and now he so easily destroyed her.

What did she do wrong? She sat on the floor with her head in her hands sobbing; trying to pin point the exact moment when she lost him. Then again, maybe she never really had him.

She was desperately trying to justify him in her mind, but the pain in her already aching heart was just too much for her to handle. So, he was lonely and depressed. Well, so was she during those five months but cheating on him never crossed her mind. The one thought that kept her sane and strong, was coming back to him.

The more she thought about it, the more her anger consumed her and soon her hands were clenched into fists. He chased her for all these years and pushed her limits. He dared her to take the leap, and she did. She took his hand and jumped into a new chapter in her life. But it looks like Deeks let go of her hand somewhere along the way. He promised to be patient, but he failed miserably.

She stood by his side after his traumatic experience with Sidorov. Even if he kept shutting her out, she never gave up on him. She helped him heal and find himself back. She defended his questionable actions to Hetty. She was simply there for him and it wasn't because of guilt for leaving chained on that chair. It was because she cared and loved him more than anyone else in the world.

When SHE needed him though, he was nowhere to be found. He didn't know how much she needed his presence at nights. He didn't know how she kept herself up because she was afraid of the nightmares that haunted her. He didn't know that even though the scars on her face had faded away, there were more hiding below her layers of clothes. He didn't notice the dark circles under her eyes. He didn't notice that she had stopped eating and lost almost ten pound since she had gotten back.

He had missed all these changes on her because he had simply stopped looking at her the way he did in the past. Deeks reacted to his own trauma with withdrawal. Kensi on the other hand, needed his support. She needed him! But instead of devoting some valuable time to his partner, Deeks chose to turn her down and go back to where they started.

All this time he pretended to be invested in this relationship more than she ever was, but it was all a lie. After all, this was Deeks. The guy who loved the game more than the actual victory. He loved to dream, but didn't care to make those dreams come true. He loved the thrill more than normality.

How could she have missed the signs? Surely, on the job she could trust him with her life, but when it came to matters of the heart, he had a congested past.

Anger, fury and a bit of hatred clouded her mind. She didn't hate him for breaking her heart though. She hated him for tricking her into believing she could have a future with him. For dreaming a house in the suburbs with kids running around and weird neighbors. Kensi Blye never truly cared for such things. But since that shaggy, overly smug Detective forced himself into her life, that was all she could think about.

No! She wouldn't allow herself to be defeated and broken. She couldn't let him see her like this. Kensi Blye survived Afghanistan, so she would sure as hell survive a heartache.

She stood up and walked to the sink. She wiped the hot tears that were streaming down her cheeks and poured some cold water on her face. Wonder women don't cry! She took three deep breaths and regained her briefly lost composure.

She wasn't willing to let her sorrow show, but she wasn't willing to give Talia the satisfaction of victory either. She released her hair from the rubber band, put on her most confident face so that Deeks would get a clear view of what he had lost and walked out the bathroom looking hotter than ever, give him a taste of what he had missed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/ T: I know I have been away for far too long but now it's time to make up for it. People have been asking to write more on this story, so here it is. A final chapter inspired by the deleted scene from SoW. Don't hate me. Remember, this is fanfiction. This is our own little world. **

**Enjoy guys. Off to write the next chapter of Always Somewhere now. I have neglected my baby and I fell extremely bad about it!**

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Both Kensi and Deeks were called to backup Callen and Sam so they rushed into the car and drove to the location of the submarine.

Awkward silence filled the car and none of them was willing to break it. The moment Kensi walked out of the bathroom it was obvious that her eyes were red and swollen. Well, it was obvious to him since he knew her better than anyone else but he chose to say nothing. Talia was a ticking bomb and he was not willing to risk an outburst. All he wanted was to be rid of her presence and finally spend some alone time with Kensi.

He was keeping an eye on her during the whole rid. He could see with the corner of his eyes that her soft facial features were now stiff and the loving look on her eyes had been replaced with hurt.

Had she heard them? Of course she must have heard them. The boatshed walls are not that thick. But why didn't she say anything? Probably, because she was too damn proud to show her pain. Deeks though, could hear her aching heart bleed.

He couldn't do this anymore. They needed to talk. By now he knew all too well that nesting suppressed anger would ultimately lead to self destruction.

"You've been awfully quiet," he finally managed to say.

"I am not you Deeks. I am always quiet," she snapped never taking her gaze from the window.

"Well you are quieter than usual….if that's even possible. Is something….bothering you?" he briefly looked at her hoping but yet fearing a positive reply.

"No! I am fine!" she bit her lower lip aware of the fact that Deeks would see right through the_ I am fine quote_.

"I am good," she corrected herself now looking straight to Deeks to prove her point.

She was obviously lying. She was not fine nor good and Deeks knew it. With one sudden move he stirred the car the right and stopped in an abandoned parking lot.

"What are you doing Deeks, we need to get to the guys," she shouted at him.

"In a minute," he turned off the engine and got out of the car.

"This isn't a game Deeks, Callen and Sam could be in danger," she followed him slamming the door behind her in anger.

"Remember when we promised never to walk into a mission in anger? Well, I get the feeling that something is bothering and I fear I know what it is."

"Since when do you care about keeping your promises?" she hissed.

"I am sorry Kens," he lowered his gaze to ground.

"About what?" she glared at him.

"I think you know."

"Were you ever going to tell me Deeks about you and Talia?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you."

"It's too late for that. I trusted you. I believed in you! You wanted me to lighten up, so I did! You told me I could trust you, so I took a leap of faith. You challenged me to tear down my walls and I gave you a sledgehammer to help me along. You dared me to love you and I gave you my heart. That night back at your apartment, you told me you didn't care about the consequences. You reassured me that we would make it work. Did you mean any of that or was it just your trick to get me in bed?" tears were now starting to form in her eyes.

"I meant every single word," Deeks whispered.

"Then why do you keep sabotaging our future? Did you or didn't you sleep with Talia while I was away huh?"

Deeks shook his head ashamed and diverted his look.

"Look at me Deeks and don't you dare make any kind of a joke about it," she grabbed his arm forcing him to face her.

"It was a mistake and didn't mean anything," he reached his hand to caress her cheek but she stepped away from him.

"It didn't mean anything to you, but it meant everything to me. You didn't even have the guts to come out clean about it. You made me believe that I wasn't good enough for you. I spent all my nights trying to pinpoint the exact moment when I lost you," her voice cracked.

"Our breakup had nothing to do with Talia. It had to do with us. You bring the best and the worst out of me. Do you know that I almost killed a blind man back in Afghanistan because I knew he had information about you? I put a cloth on his face and poured cold water on him until he was struggling to breath. For a moment I didn't even care that he was dying right there in my arms. I thought you were gone so no one mattered in the world. I wanted to hurt someone and make him feel like I did."

Deeks leaned his back on the car as awful memories of that dark period started clouding his mind. He could feel the water running down on his hands and he could hear the cleric scream in agony. Yes, he had shot more than a few criminals in his life, but never had he taken a life with his bare hands.

Kensi saw the pain in his eyes and made a step forward searching for his eyes to meet hers. "But you didn't kill him. This is not who you are. You will never be that type of person."

"But I was Kensi. For a moment I felt this dark urge inside me that was prompting me to kill him."

"But you didn't Deeks! You were able to restrain yourself."

"You are consuming me!" Deeks closed his eyes immediately regretting the words he had just spoken.

"What?" Kensi exclaimed in utter shock.

"When it comes to you, I don't know how far I am capable of pulling the strings and that scares the hell out of me."

"You are sooo selfish," Kensi shot back.

"I am not selfish; I am scared."

"Exactly. You are only scared about yourself. Well I've got news for you Deeks. This is what love is all about. Taking risks and be willing to get burnt for the one you love. But that's the problem with you. You have never truly loved anyone in your entire life, have you? "

She knew she was going too far, pushing his buttons, but she couldn't control her anger anymore. She had trusted and loved this man more than anyone else. That was why his betrayal was slowly killing her .

"I didn't plan on falling for you. To me, you were just another expandable female partner. Yes, in the beginning I only cared about having sex with you but then…then you put that spell on me and I fell for you hard!" Deeks run his fingers through his hair while nervously pacing up and down.

"So why did you walk away from us?" she practically begged him for an answer with tears in her eyes.

"Hetty sent you to freaking Afghanistan because of that night we spent together. What do you think her next move is going to be once she finds out we are dating?"

"Is that what you think?" Kensi squinted her eyes. "That you are the reason behind my reassignment?"

Deeks shrugged his shoulders.

"That is not true Deeks. Yes, Hetty had ulterior motives, but punishing you or us was certainly not one of those. Hetty played us all. She knew about Jack and never said anything. She sent me to the war zone blind folded yet all she cared about was bringing Jack back to safety. She didn't care about the repercussions this mission would have on me or you! We were just pones in her game as always."

"She never denied it Kens. I asked her upfront and she didn't deny it."

"She was playing mind games with you! That's what she does best."

It never crossed her mind that Deeks would blame himself for the whole Afghanistan fiasco. He may have been responsible for a few things, but not this one.

"You know, I tried to hate you after the Sidorov case but I couldn't bring myself to do so," Deeks admitted for the first time.

Kensi's mouth dropped open in shock. "Why?"

"While I was being tortured I kept thinking of you to stop the pain."

"I know. You've told me before," she softly said.

"When I saw you standing in front of me, I thought that my mind was playing tricks on me. But you were real and you were there! Finally my nightmare would be over though instead of breaking me free, you left me there."

"I was following orders Deeks and I swear leaving you in that place killed me too!"

"But you made a choice Kens. You chose to use me for the shakes of the mission. As much as I tried to hate you for that, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you too much to ever hate you!"

Kensi desperately tried to control her sobbing. Even if Deeks couldn't hate her for what she put him through, she hated herself enough for the both of them. Not a day went by without her wishing it was her in Deeks shoes.

She never admitted it and probably never will, but he own ordeal felt like a punishment for that choice. She felt like she deserved it.

"You know….you were my safe place too! As I was laying there in that cave, all I could think about….was you. Memories of that one night together made me feel more alive than ever. I stayed strong, kept on fighting because I simply wanted to come home to you and start anew. But as it turns out, you are not the same man I left behind."

She wasn't lying. Being held prisoner in that cave was even most traumatic than her father's death. She hated feeling so weak, vulnerable. She hated being deprived of any form control. And even though the man she had one chose to marry was only a few feet away from her, he mind was solely focused on Deeks. Towards the end, she was absolutely certain she would not survive that mission. She didn't care about dying though. She feared what the sight of her lifeless body would do to Deeks. It would destroy him in ways far more worst than she had ever imagined. She knew that now.

Maybe Deeks was right after all. She was his undoing.

"I don't know what to do Kens. I don't know who I am anymore," he kneeled on the ground.

"Well, I know one thing. I am done Deeks," she raised her hands in defeat "you are a great partner, but a terrible lover."

"So what happens now?" he looked at her confused.

"You win Deeks. Since I am apparently destroying you, you can seek the love of your life somewhere else. I am not the person you want. Just pretend that these past few months never happened so we can go back to normal as partners. Nothing more."

Saying those words out loud broke her heart since she didn't actually mean them. She could never imagine a life without that blonde shaggy man by her side, but she was willing to try if that meant saving him from himself.

"That's not what I want," Deeks pulled himself up and shook his head.

"God! What DO you want because I am trying really hard to understand," she yelled at him, hot tears streaming down her cheeks by now. "Don't make it any more difficult than it already is. If you respect me Deeks, you have to let me go."

He knew what she was doing. He could clearly see right through her eyes. She still loved him and he still loved her. But sometimes only love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Sacrifices need to be made in order to reach the point of no return. The point where they would both want the same things in life.

"Fine…..so partners it is," he simply nodded.

"Now let's go get that damn submarine," Kensi sighed and opened the door to the passenger's seat of her car.

"Hum…..Kens!" Deeks called her back.

"Yeah?"

"For whatever it's worth….you ARE the only person I ever wanted!" he simply stated before jumping back in the car.


End file.
